Dancing with the Ego
I’ve read alot of books on spirituality, and a big chunk of them vilify the ego. A certain line of teaching says that the ego is selfish, controlling, paranoid, power hungry, uninformed, cruel, vindictive, anxious, and obsessive. The common connotation of the word “ego” in modern times is derogatory and negative.
However, I’ve been reading Anita Moorjani’s new book, Sensitive is the New Strong, and she takes a different approach, one that makes much more sense to me than deeming the ego defective and not worthy of attention.
Moorjani’s observation is that the ego is a necessary part of all of us, and is especially important for those of us who are people-pleasers who take care of everyone but themselves:
“In and of itself, the ego isn’t a bad thing. It anchors you to your sense of self. A healthy ego protects and fortifies you. Having an ego gives you self-confidence. It gives you strength and insight to stand up for yourself in situations where you feel vulnerable to exploited.”
Moorjani distinguishes between a healthy ego as described above and an egocentric construct, the latter ignoring the other parts of the self. She believes that most people use ego and egocentric interchangeably, to the detriment of those who need a healthy ego in order to care for themselves and those around them.
I have to agree with her.
The ego doesn’t need to be squashed, it just needs a dance partner.
Here’s an example from my recent trip to Greece.
After a morning run along the Acropolis, I followed a path to the north, where a young man in a baseball hat was waiting for me. He had the most beautiful smile and was very friendly. He said he was from Kenya and had a lovely lilting accent. He invited me to hear his reggae band at a local restaurant that evening.
He also gave me directions (even though I didn’t ask) and wanted to put a friendship bracelet around my wrist. I tried to decline, saying I had no money (obviously, I was in running clothes with no visible purse), but he said, I don’t want your money, this is my gift to you, and it is free.
He said a prayer blessing while he tied it on my wrist.
It was very sweet and I wished him a good day as I skipped down the steep steps back toward the Monastiraki flea market. The more I thought about the interaction, however, I began to fear that I had just been marked or suckered into something sinister. Was someone going to jump me because I now looked like a gullible tourist sporting a bright blue friendship bracelet? Had I just been marked as a victim/target/prey? Did this bracelet have a GPS tracker in it?
That was my ego talking.
Then I got mad at myself for second-guessing what had been a pleasant experience of connection.
However, the ego is nothing if not relentlessly overthinking, and I kept running imminent attack scenarios in my head. Sheesh!
I asked God to give me a sign if this experience was really a blessing and not the precursor to a scene from the movie Taken. I was thinking that I would like to see a butterfly, as those are usually God signs for me.
Nothing happened.
Now I was really getting freaked out.
Just as I was about to rip the bracelet off and sprint for my life back to my apartment, I turned a corner and there was a painting of a smiling bumblebee on the stone wall of the opposite building. There were words (in English) stenciled above the fuzzy painting: BEE HAPPY.
Hallelujah! The waves of relief were palpable.
(PSA - ask for a sign, expect a sign, and you will get a sign better than you imagined).
Ok, thanks, God/Universe/Creator/Holy Spirit! I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that I felt my eyes tearing up.
I then walked through the Monastiraki market, where the vendors were just opening up, and everyone seemed to be calling out for me to buy a bag or a hat or a wallet or a souvenir. No one else was being solicited so aggressively, and again, I didn’t even have a purse - just a t-shirt and running shorts.
I looked down at my wrist. I was dressed in muted grey, with dark running shoes and socks. The one thing that stuck out was the bright blue and white friendship bracelet that my new-found friend had just blessed me with.
EVERYONE was trying to get me in their stores, and I saw the vendors staring at my wrist as I walked with the throngs of early morning shoppers. I calmly stepped into a shop that was so crowded that I was not noticed, took off my bracelet, shoved it in my back pocket, and walked back up the street, out of the flea market. The high-pressure solicitations stopped almost immediately.
I had decided to let my ego have a little dance with my soulful self.
I accepted the blessing and the beauty of that moment when another human gave me a gift, as just that - a gift. Not a setup, not a ruse, but a gift.
I was right to “bee happy” but that didn’t mean that I should throw out my ego like I almost threw out the bracelet.
As my ego and higher self engaged in a dance, I serenely decided to accept the gift but not to draw attention to myself while walking through a crowded market.
When you dance with the ego, you don’t reject the gifts of the spirit, and you don’t condemn the ego for trying to protect you.
In that moment, I appreciated the ego for its contributions and the higher self for the blessings. In this case, my ego contributed a little common sense, my higher self allowed me to see the beauty in a moment of connection, and I benefited from the balance of the dance.
Have you experienced the balance between the ego and the higher conscious self? If not, I’d love to hear what happens when you let them dance!
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